"Things I like." a List by Patrick, 18

Guess what.

You're having one of those nights where you go out and have some drinks with friends. It's fun but nothing wild. You laugh a little bit, you shimmy in place when a bad song comes on, you tell a secret or two. Then you step out, grab a cab at a decent hour, go home and fall into bed. Nice little night. Nothing's missing, you remind yourself you have good friends, you send a text because it feels right, and you're out. Then you wake up the next day and realize you can't remember anything because you in fact, got TOTALLY BLOODY HAMMERED. How on earth?

You slowly work your way through the fog for a recap: I was dancing all over the place. My god. I didn't eat any dinner. I bought rounds for strangers. I had a heart-to-heart with the cabbie about... something, and man, I really meant it. And - uh oh - I sent a text to someone I never talk to which reads:

"you me and food: the movie. coming soon."

Then you're like, shit. That one doesn't make any sense. I am such an asshole. But why do I feel so inexplicably good? My head doesn't hurt, I'm walking kind of fast. Words are coming easy. But I'm having trouble typing, so... oh. Right. I'm still TOTALLY BLOODY HAMMERED. 

In honor of acting like a complete child, I am copying a list I made when I was 18, an age that I think is emblematic of both maturity and naiveté. A crossroads, through and through. Why did I make this list? I'll answer that in a sec.

Hm. So. I sorta want to kick my 18 year old ass a little bit. Maybe it wasn't clear at the time but I'm pretty sure I made this list because I knew I'd look at it later and think I was clever and cute. Come on, me! I'm better than that. I can also say for a fact that I never liked taking my vitamins. Jesus, way to sound like a tool. Do you realize you're brown-nosing yourself?! Still. I'd say about 60% of these are still true. Also, now that I'm thinking about it, let's look at 18 year old me. 

I don't think I wore a single shirt that whole year. I wore inverse Burger King crowns with my name on them. This, by the way, was at a birthday party I threw for myself four months after my actual birthday. And I'm pretty sure I charged money. And I was 100% certain I was marrying my GF and going to film school. When you're 18, what don't you like? Binders? I can't even remember.