Hey Dummies, Eat Our Pasta

Good thing Healthy Choice is promoting its gross pasta by mocking the people who would be dumb enough to buy it. Yo retard, thanks for trying our Low-Cal Steam-n-Strains. Just follow the instructions, you idiot, and then you can enjoy it, if you even know how to enjoy things. You autistic flipper baby. Thanks, again! We're so clever!

Ten years ago, the cat's pajamz was a commercial featuring 20 people all saying the same thing. Today, it's Jim from The Office (or one of his many equivalents) snarking out with the standard "You're So Weird and I'm So Regs" routine and a punch line that says, "Buy Our Shit, Ass!" This might work for Skittles and Whoppers, but not car insurance and not banks and certainly not products for self-conscious fat people. Consumers are supposed to be the normal ones with all the power, not you jerks. You fucking bullies. 

This classic HC spot from '94 is what I'm talking about. Pure cheese, but at lest you get to make fun of the people in it instead of the people who made it. The end is the best part!

P.S. Guess what else Healthy Choice, in about 10 minutes, you're going to rebrand. It is definitely happening. You're going to look in the mirror, realize you don't need to be 30 shades of green and have a clip art running man logo. Also, runners don't eat you anyway. They eat regular food. In 10 minutes you're going to be one shade of light green, faux-shiny like a Mac icon with fun, round san serifs and your new logo is going to a be a simple heart with a leaf coming out of the top. Jesus, could you be more obvious, Healthy Choice? Fuck you.