Here's A Little Game Called "The Rule"

So we all took Intro to Media Studies, or maybe you work in TV or you watched when they were shooting Law & Order by your office. At this point we all have acceptable reasons to say something like, "Well, now that I know how it's made, watching TV/movies isn't the same anymore."

It's kind of profound at first, but ultimately it's baloney because we still think Bourne really kills those guys and we still believe a scrappy slum dog can etc. etc. etc. Also, this is totally normal:

All I'm saying is, watching movies isn't ruined.

Until now.

Comic artist Alison Bechdel made a little paradigm shifter called The Rule, which essentially dares you to think up a list of movies that follow three simple criteria:

  • It must feature at least two women who...
  • Talk to one another about...
  • Something other than a man.

I'm thinking, sure. Lesbian porn duh. But after I decided to rule out lesbian porn (forgive me), I basically had a panic attack because I couldn't think of any. But then I did. Sort of. Before I tell you mine, think on it for a sec. I'm also adding one more bullet point to The Rule to make it more interesting.

  • They can't be lesbians.

Here's what I got and I included my after thoughts because they might not even hold up:

1.) Smokin' Aces

YES: They're assassins. They talk about shit like guns and killing and they make fun of hookers. 

BUT: Taraji Henson (left) is probably gay in the movie and Alicia Keys (right) is probably gay in real life even though she was probably straight in the movie.

2.) Sister Act

YES: Easy. She's a damn nun who hangs out with a shitload of nuns. They talk about ice cream and cleaning up the streets and singing songs about Our Mainest Man God. 

BUT: She's a real life lesbian and in the movie she does talk about doing it with dudes even though the sisters 'aint listening. Actually forget it, if you're a real life lesbian, that doesn't count. So I call this one a win. Also Sister Act II, so there.

3.) Thelma & Louise

YES: Not gonna lie. I saw this when I was 11 and I don't remember any of it. I actually never saw the end so don't spoil it for me. But they talk about all kinds of stuff right? Fishing, maybe? Cars? 

BUT: They definitely do talk about some bros in this movie so I dunno. I'll throw this one back, I guess. Thanks, Brad Pitt.

4.) Go

YES: I was always wondering why the girls in Go seemed so cool. It's because they didn't go cross-eyed over boys and instead spent the entire movie pooling their resources to either score drugs or sell drugs. If you're looking for anything positive about rave culture, you could say it gave me an extra point in this game. 

BUT: No but. This one's totally mine. Oh, and say hi to Sarah Polley (right). That's my wife. 

You get the idea. I know there's plenty forehead-slappers out there, I just can't, you know, think of any. And now I have to hate Dark Knight a little bit because it violates The Rule. And Jurassic Park. And that misogynist Wall*E.