The Mister Report on The Shaw Report

Jessica Shaw is a senior writer at Entertainment Weekly, my favorite magazine. She has a weekly nugget in EW called The Shaw Report by Jessica Shaw. It's a tiny grid laying out what is hot and what isn't. The idea behind this is she's projecting microtrends (cringe) and also commenting on how we are all fickle, how all modern experience is ephemeral. 

And it never makes any sense. Check out the latest TSRBJS.

Breaking up is IN, Refinancing is FIVE MINUTES AGO (you idiot poor person), and if you actually like Sourdough bread, you might as well also like Xerxes because Jessica Shaw just kicked you into a bottomless pit like a Spartan King. 

The problem with the Shaw Report is it creates a better-worse spectrum when really, one side isn't any better or worse than the other. These items could be in the opposite order and they would still be "true." Jessica Shaw is full of shit. Look!

But fair is fair; I'm not gonna throw rocks without giving people the opportunity to do it back. It is not without reservation that I include one of my old contributions for Mister Weekly, back when it was still in print, but here it is anyway. I stand by my words.