6 Clichés We Can Expect From Iron Man 2

It's hard to make a big budget sequel without adhering to certain big budget sequel axioms. This is evident early on in the marketing. One is good, two is always better, twice as much stuff coming your way and all that. 

Iron Man 2 knows what it's doing.

Based on this early indication, I have to assume these guys are following the rules and therefore I anticipate certain other things - I'll call then clichés - from Iron Man 2. Most of these revolve around the concept of being extremely self-aware and skirt dangerously close to slapstick. Superhero movies love this and its intensity is directly proportional to the number of sequels made.

Goofy one-liners. There has to be at least one that's Iron-related. They only called him Iron Man at the end of part one so part two should be full fledged Iron-Mania. To be fair, Iron Man played it safe with the word play and saved the Black Sabbath til the credits which was both clever and subtle, but I just know some tacky shit is going down for Part Deux.

Cock/Suit Double Entendre. This movie's gonna be all about the comparisons. Tony and Rhodey. Iron Man and War Machine. White Guy and Black Guy. Somewhere in all that dichotomousness is going to be a crack about dick size and it so won't be funny. Remember Godzilla? That was 1998.

A Magnet Joke. This is fucking happening. Remember in Spiderman 2 when Peter Parker stained all his laundry red and blue because he put his Spidey suit in the wash? Same thing. Sequels allow it. Iron Man is so getting a magnet on him. I can just see Pepper doing it too because she is totally an uptight magnet person.

"I'm Made in America." Iron Bro's enemies this time are Russian, right? Their names are seriously Ivan and Natasha so I'm sure they're not domestic villains and therefore I believe Iron Man will say something about being made in the United S of A. Hopefully when something a bad guy has breaks. 

This Headline. This isn't even a cliche, I just think we'll see it. Pepper - that bitch - is going to slap it down on a table and be like, "How do you explain this, Tony?" Take it easy, Pepper. My imagination kinda doesn't like you for some reason. 

Beer Integration. This is two birds with one stone because there's a bit of the magnet joke philosophy in this also. First of all, Tony is going to drink a sponsorship beer. But also it'll be during one of those silly juxtaposition moments when we see Tony and The Suit and there will be some visual joke like he'll use his elbow as a bottle opener. Come on, Iron Man 2.

Actually, what am I saying. I don't care about any of this because I love Iron Man. 2 is going to be stellar, despite all of these things happening exactly as I said. 

Also probably going to happen: 

  • Scar Jo and Gwyneth exchanging not-acted-at-all "I Hate You" looks.
  • Mickey Rourke being an old broken down piece of Russian meat. 
  • Tony Stark saying "da" in that flirty smug Ro Downs way.